Things I never thought I would say:

Stop mooning the fish.
Don't eat your hair.
You can't put that in the dog's butt.
Stop spraying the cat with apple juice.
No, you can't take your paintball gun to school.
Why did you put the oatmeal in your pocket?
Quit throwing your sisters toothbrush in the toilet.
No, take it out before you pee.
Stop putting stuff in your ear.
Take that duct tape off the cat, now.

I can't be the only mom who has had to say this shit. Am I?